The Name of the Game is Frustration.

I know it has been a while since I have blogged, but taking time out to blog is not always an easy task. I have been journaling every night so that I can get the brief overview in here. This is a bit of a rant I realize, but I am loving my placement and everything about my life... just thought I'd express some of the frustrations I'm having in the spirit of full disclosure.

First let me say that if I were a 3 year old... I would nap. There are some that just pass right out when it is time for nap and then there are the ones who take an hour of patting their backs to get them to sleep. The ones who ask to go to the bathroom 20 million times, play with their blankets, don't stay on their mat and of course the one kid in the corner who talks to himself for the entire 2 hours of nap time. All I want to do is nap!! Just not fair! :)

I know I'm not supposed to play favorites, but one of my favorite little ones was moved up form the 3 yr olds to the 4 yr olds. I still get called into his new classroom, because he throws fits and refuses to behave until I get called in. I understand his frustration though. He is a new kid again. I feel that way too. Things aren't as they usually are, we cant find things, there are new people in charge and new people to be friends with. The new kids have to stick together.

House of Teens was tagged at the begenning of the month. Tagged is the lovely slang word used for graffiti. Some gang spray painted our building. Shocking for me, apparently not for the kids. The boys have also taken up a bit of an attitude here of late. Having not ever been a teenage boy I don't know if this is common or not. I'm struggeling with how to reach them. Telling them not to do something makes them want to do it more. So how do I get them to behave?? The biggest issues are with language and appropriate conversations. They have literally no respect for women. I found all of this out during a weekend trip to John Knox Rach with 12 of our teens. They got to hike and canoe and fish and swim and do a service project and a ropes course. It was awesome to watch them experience the hill country for the first time and also to build more relationships with them, but you also get to see true colors and the boys have some respect to work on. The girls are hysterical and fun loving, but we cant expect the boys to change if the girls continue to allow the boys to speak to them and treat them with disrespect.

After the lovely weekend trip I was sick as a dog!! I am not good at being sick... I'm very pitiful. Rest I have found is difficult for me. Staying in bed was very frustrating and frustration does not lend itself to healing. I am still struggeling with the idea that I need to take more time for myself to rest. I am a "yes" person and saying no is again, frustrating.

On the community front, we had a huge blow up that I thought was going to permanent damage to our group... Turns out that once everyone lays everything out there a real healing bond is formed. I know that the struggles I find within intentional community are the areas in which I am growing most. Strange how that works. I started off wishing that it would be easier to live with strangers and now I am starting to enjoy the challenge.

In my fight against frustration I realized that I needed something tangable. I needed something to show me real progress and without naming that I had already begun working in the back yard. Cleaning it up. Planting a garden. Finding a fire pit. Trimming branches. Mowing and weed eating. Geting all of my frustration out in a physical manner. I also have begun to build a labrynth. I cleared an area, leveled it the best I could, used some of the branches I cut down to make the perimeter and the off to Home Depot for sand and rocks. I didn't get enough sand the first time and so a second trip was necessary, but of course since the name of the game is frustration the first Home Depot was closed and so I had to find another one!! 15 sand bags later and I still didn't have enough!! GRRRRRRRRR!! I will try again this upcoming Friday. I want to get the back yard all nice and set up for Kathryn's (one of my housemates) birthday which is on Halloween!!

Now that my frustrated rant is over... I have started the spiritual disicipline of meditation. God tells you amazing things when you sit back and listen!

I'm still trying to find a dark room to use for some fun photography and a bit of me time.

And on a side note... I may never get tired of good home cooked Tex-Mex.

Peace and Blessings
Kelsey